For my mother

May 25th, 2007 · 27 Comments

I typically try to leave my none muay thai life out of my posts. However today is the exception. This morning my mom passed away.

I’m not a person who is typically into poetry, but when I first heard this poem it moved me. I’d like to share it with all of you.

“The Lanyard”

Billy Collins

The other day I was ricocheting slowly

off the blue walls of this room,

moving as if underwater from typewriter to piano,

from bookshelf to an envelope lying on the floor,

when I found myself in the L section of the dictionary

where my eyes fell upon the word lanyard.

No cookie nibbled by a French novelist

could send one into the past more suddenly-

a past where I sat at a workbench at a camp

by a deep Adirondack lake

learning how to braid long thin plastic strips

into a lanyard, a gift for my mother.

I had never seen anyone use a lanyard

or wear one, if that’s what you did with them,

but that did not keep me from crossing

strand over strand again and again

until I had made a boxy

red and white lanyard for my mother.

She gave me life and milk from her breasts,

and I gave her a lanyard.

She nursed me in many a sick room,

lifted spoons of medicine to my lips,

laid cold face-cloths on my forehead,

and then led me out into the airy light

and taught me to walk and swim,

and I, in turn, presented her with a lanyard.

Here are thousands of meals, she said,

and here is clothing and a good education.

And here is your lanyard, I replied,

which I made with a little help from a counselor.

Here is a breathing body and a beating heart,

strong legs, bones and teeth,

and two clear eyes to read the world, she whispered,

and here, I said, is the lanyard I made at camp.

And here, I wish to say to her now,

is a smaller gift-not the worn truth

that you can never repay your mother,

but the rueful admission that when she took

the two-tone lanyard from my hand,

I was as sure as a boy could be

that this useless, worthless thing I wove

out of boredom would be enough to make us even.

Tags: Muay Thai

27 responses so far ↓

1 jpera // May 25, 2007 at 6:39 am

I visit your site often but have never left a comment…
My condolences to you and your family.
2 Yaksha // May 25, 2007 at 6:55 am

Condolences
3 krujeff // May 25, 2007 at 7:27 am

a visit this site everyday as well….please accept my heartfelt condolences and allow this experience to strengthen your understanding of your love for your mother and remember that she isnt gone…she is always in your every breath.
4 Krumuay // May 25, 2007 at 8:12 am

Condolences to you and your family…
5 SpydaMan // May 25, 2007 at 8:20 am

Losin my mother was always my worst fear, and I have played that scenario over and over in my head and I cry everytime but still I couldn’t possibly know how you feel. I want to offer my condolences and also try to urge u to stay strong. I have heard this saying before and maybe it can help u “Remember how she lived, not how she died”.
ps: That poem did hit me too.
6 Tong Po // May 25, 2007 at 9:08 am

Sorry to hear that, Mai. I’m sure you did all you could to show your mother how much you loved her. Very touching poem. Sympathies to you and your family.
7 Suli // May 25, 2007 at 9:09 am

I am very sorry to hear about your LOSS its a very hard thing to take in..but she is in a better place now.
Condolences to you and your family..
8 SK // May 25, 2007 at 10:14 am

Sorry Mai - your mother and family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
9 ed // May 25, 2007 at 10:34 am

my warmest wishes to you and your family.
10 Ernesto // May 25, 2007 at 10:37 am

Sorry to hear about your mom buddy. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and yours. I’m also a believer of â€œRemember how she lived, not how she diedâ€. You must have been proud to have her as your mom just as proud as she is seeing who you have become.
11 Jason // May 25, 2007 at 5:31 pm

Condolences and sorry for losing your mother.
12 Hannes // May 26, 2007 at 2:29 am

Condolences.
13 prin // May 26, 2007 at 5:01 am

sorry to hear this. my condolences as well.
14 Yoshi // May 26, 2007 at 12:03 pm

My condolences
15 mark & alexis // May 26, 2007 at 3:11 pm

our deepest sympathies are with you.
may your mother find a higher place.
16 john // May 26, 2007 at 6:49 pm

My symphathies are with you. Your mother will always be with you in your dreams.
17 seb0r // May 27, 2007 at 4:26 am

condolences, i read ur site everyday, but no leave comments, keep posting MT news
18 Lon // May 27, 2007 at 9:11 am

I read your and enjoy your site everyday,

My deepest sympathies.
19 Oskar // May 27, 2007 at 10:29 pm

My sincere condolences.
20 stephen // May 27, 2007 at 10:31 pm

my deepest sympathies to you mai. i cant begin to fathom the pain you’re going through. stay strong
21 Josh // May 28, 2007 at 9:07 am

I’m sorry brother.
22 Alex // May 28, 2007 at 6:53 pm

Sorry for your loss.
23 Kamatari // May 28, 2007 at 11:28 pm

My condolences.
24 Phaisaan // May 29, 2007 at 12:14 pm

I’m so sorry for you loss.
25 souvik // Jun 3, 2007 at 8:17 am

Condolences to you and your family.
Very moving poem.
26 nopstar // Jun 4, 2007 at 9:27 am

Hey Fellas-

Just got back from Thailand this past weekend. I want to thank you all for your words of support.

My mom had cancer for 12 years. Iâ€™ve had a long time to process this; nonetheless seeing her in her final days was still very painful. I suspect I will always miss her, but Iâ€™m relieved that sheâ€™s no longer suffering.

Thanks,
Nopstar
27 Fisher // Jun 5, 2007 at 4:46 am

I’m really sorry about your loss. Your website is awesome and you seem like a great guy. I wish you well in the grieving process. Your mother looks like a wonderful person. Thanks again for having such a dope site!!